By Carol Montavon
Bealor, Director, Cass County Friend of the Court and
Court Administrator
for Cass County Circuit, Family, and Probate Courts
Less than 50 percent of children in the United States have
biological parents who live together and are married.[1]
The percentage of children living in a
single parent household nearly tripled from 1960 to 2014. What our country’s families look like today is
much different than what they looked like when I was a child in the late 1960s
and early 1970s.
Cass County is fortunate to have a wide array of resources
available to our families because of collaborations between the courts and
other service providers, including: family counseling professionals; the local
community mental health provider, Cass Family Clinic; and the Department of
Health and Human Services. One group of
partners -- Dr. Rebecca Katovsich of Cassopolis’ Shepard House Counseling; Dr.
Michael Jenuwine of University of Notre Dame’s Law School; Cass County Friend
of the Court Referee Melissa Sytsma; 43rd Circuit Court Judge Susan L. Dobrich;
and me -- asked what it would look like if we provided a forum for parents to
come together in a multidisciplinary learning environment to address issues
common to all separated parents.
The 43rd Circuit Court and the Cass County Friend of the
Court have long recognized the value of professional counseling interventions
for meeting parents’ and children’s therapeutic needs. The Cass County Friend of the Court has a
counseling fund to provide families with financial assistance to afford
therapeutic interventions such as parenting time assessments, coparenting
counseling, and supervised therapeutic parenting time. When counseling funds are spent in this way,
it is very meaningful for the individual families. However, we had the idea of taking some of
the same tools from these therapeutic interventions and providing them to
families in a group setting to make a bigger impact in our community. This led us to form our “Parenting Academy.”
Things quickly fell into place for the Parenting Academy to
become a reality. Doctors Katovsich and Jenuwine
agreed to facilitate the Parenting Academy with friend of the court staff. Jennifer Ray, the Director of the Cass
District Library, arranged for us to have space at the Main Branch in
Cassopolis to hold monthly Parenting Academy sessions.
Doctors Katovsich and Jenuwine, and friend of the court
staff developed a curriculum that involves five modules:
- Module #1: An Introduction to the Friend of the Court and Looking at Parental Separation from the Child’s Perspective;
- Module #2: Conflict Resolution;
- Module #3: Communication;
- Module #4: Joint Decision Making;
- Module #5: Child Safety and Managing Boundaries.
In Module #1, parents are introduced to services available
from the friend of the court, as well as points of contact for different
issues. Doctors Katovsich and Jenuwine
then present about parental separation from a child’s perspective, engaging
parents with a great video, Split,
that shows real children talking about how they experienced their parents’
separation. You can order this video at www.splitfilm.org
for a cost of $250 for 60 streaming views.
In Module #2, Dr. Katovsich and Dr. Jenuwine get into the
nuts and bolts of conflict resolution.
Parents use an assessment tool to evaluate their conflict resolution
styles. Practical tips are discussed
with parents to assist them with the difficult process of how to disagree while
keeping a co-parenting relationship intact.
In Module #3, Dr. Katovsich and Dr. Jenuwine review
communication challenges for parents raising children in separate households. Parents are engaged with exercises about “I”
and “You” statements and scenarios about how communications may actually occur
and how to improve communications. Doctors
Katovsich and Jenuwine also talk about how to communicate with children in age-appropriate
ways about parental separation. “BIFF”
responses are also modeled, which stands for keeping communications ‘brief,
informative, friendly, yet firm.’
In Module #4, Dr. Katovsich and Dr. Jenuwine dive into the
controversial topic of joint decision making by discussing with parents the
difference between important decisions affecting the welfare of a child and
routine decisions, as well as the power struggles that some parents inevitably
face. Doctors Katovsich and Jenuwine
provide scenarios for the parents to work through, with discussions about the
good, the bad, and the ugly parents face when attempting to make decisions
together.
In Module #5, Dr. Katovsich and Dr. Jenuwine talk about
appropriate and inappropriate boundaries between co-parents. Parents participate by identifying healthy
boundaries as compared to unhealthy boundaries. Common boundary issues are explored and parents
are introduced to the topic of safety concerns by starting with values and
goals shared by parents around the world. This leads into a discussion of emergencies
and non-emergencies and how emergencies are best handled.
Parents receive a certificate of completion for individual
Parenting Academy modules. Parents
attending all five (5) sessions of the Parenting Academy receive a diploma.
Each session of the Parenting Academy is tailored to the
audience in attendance so that participants are able to ask questions and get
the most out of each session, and attendance is not restricted to parents with
open court cases. Parents may attend one
session, more than one session, or all sessions. We intentionally decided to make our
Parenting Academy voluntary because we expect that people who choose to attend
a program are likely more motivated to get the most out of the program.
The Parenting Academy was launched in April 2017. The program has received a very favorable
response, and we have now had two rounds of graduates. We ask for feedback from all
participants. One graduate told us, “It
really opened my eyes to how children adapt to each parent’s home.”
Another graduate told us, “I liked the openness and ability
for everyone to share concerns and get feedback from professional counselors
and the FOC.”
One of my favorite pieces of feedback so far said, “Thank
you very much—this helped me feel like I have control over how I am navigating
this process.” What could be better than
empowering a parent during a difficult time in their life?
Sessions are held on the second Tuesday of every month from
6:00-7:30 pm at the Cass District Library, Main Branch, in Cassopolis,
Michigan. Food is provided. Here is our current schedule for the balance
of 2018:
Tuesday, June 12, 2018, from 6:00-7:30 pm, Module #5
Tuesday, July 10, 2018, from 6:00-7:30 pm, Module #1
Tuesday, August 14, 2018, from 6:00-7:30 pm, Module #2
Tuesday, September 11, 2018, from 6:00-7:30 pm, Module #3
Tuesday, October 9, 2018, from 6:00-7:30 pm, Module #4
Tuesday, November 13, 2018, from 6:00-7:30 pm, Module #5
Tuesday, December 11, 2018, from 6:00-7:30 pm, Module #1
I am happy to speak to anyone about our successes and
challenges with our Parenting Academy. I
am also happy to help in any way I can if you want to start this type of
program in your community. My main
message to folks who have an idea they want to try out is to try it out. You do
not know how something will work until you try it out. Every time we run our Parenting Academy we
learn something new and learn new ways to interact with our parents.
Our Parenting Academy is the result of a great group of
people who really care. I cannot begin
to thank Dr. Katovsich, Dr. Jenuwine, Referee Sytsma, and Judge Dobrich enough for
being willing to brainstorm about this idea and then bring it into being. It is a very powerful thing to see the
difference you can make in parents’ lives.
I consider our Parenting Academy a success if we are able to make a
positive impact in one child’s life. By
that measure, we are doing pretty well.
Carol Montavon Bealor
received her bachelor’s degree in Government and International Studies from the
University of Notre Dame and her Juris Doctor degree from Valparaiso University
School of Law. She currently serves as
43rd Circuit Court Administrator and Friend of the Court Director.
[1]
Pew Research Center. “Parenting in America,” published December 17, 2015. http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/1-the-american-family-today/.